there's so much I could say suggest. It all comes down to a lack of understanding. I don't understand you. I don't like what I see so much. It's not that you're changing, it's that you appear different throughout the day. You change a million times, in just one day. Whether it's your mood, or your general attitude. It seems very much dependent on your company. Your character varies on who you're trying to impress, really.




this is relevant to too many people.

could you please stop copying me now? and then insisting that you're a cool soul. it's really quite annoying. and has been for the last couple of years, actually.

 

 

I actually love this.

I really don't know what to think of you. It's a tough one.

It's not a particularly appreciated film, but on Saturday I watched 'Marley and Me' for the first time. Considering I wanted to watch it when it first screened, it felt a little too delayed already - before I'd even watched and admired it. It's definitely not the most amazing film ever (I really hate when people over-exaggerate with this term just for effect), but it really inspired me. I want to make a list! And, I will. I'll do it Sunday, when I have time to think about anything I ever want to do. It only makes sense really, I am a geek when it comes to organisation sometimes. Correction: pretty much always. It's such a lovely film that I've watched it each day since - I only got to watch the second half of the film on Saturday and decided it neccesary to watch it all on Sunday. And it's on now too, so I'll be going.

Oh, and now I want a puppy.

a change in attitude that was well needed, really. things were becoming a little too crazy up there in my head.

and now I feel really bad. (no, not about the post below. about the most recent of events).

I can honestly relate to your pain and sense of lonliness. This being because of your foul and unexpected move a while back, that one really affected me. Just then though, it honestly was not at all like that. I had an opportunity and so I took it - exactly as you would have done. I then ran over to you to allow you your chance, but you didn't see this. You seem upset. I understand that you probably felt totally ignored and inadequate, but I really tried. I really did. And before you missed this move of mine, I'd felt really good about it, whereas normally I am hesitant. This isn't a snap at you whatsoever, it's more of an apology. Not even that, it's more for my peace of mind. I felt I owed it to you to explain the situation, although I've yet to recieve yours.. And I am slightly annoyed of what I just saw - the discussion of some of us (I assumed with your sudden stop at mid-speech) - but it's nothing we all haven't done to you. Many a time, actually. So, sorry. I'll explain this to you in person. Although it'll sound much more cheery because honestly, it is.

annoying. irritating. bothersome. aggravating. spiteful. nasty. aggresive. dumb. silly. ridculous. conclusion-jumper. incoherent. faltering. ridiculous. irrational. unreasonable. bitchy. unnecessary. irrelevant. unliked.

It's representative of my life right this second in so many ways. It's like I'm trying to throw over the happy things to cover those that really just suck. Currently though, it's working, which is nice.

you are highly valued. please don't let this recent set of events fool you

bogies
(i thought it only appropriate to colour accordingly)

easily the most amusing 'game' ever to be 'played'

easily the highlight of my day

easy to conquer (nb: unless a couple of metres from the headteacher's office)

beans on toast.
a classic.
the simplest quick-meal to make and easily the yummiest too.


*orgasm; dribbles; blushes; mm*

'um, samy, the great plague? no?'

'oh, yeah'

'so i want you to do cue cards on that too please... no homework tonight. although any outstanding work must be complete'

great, fucking great. i hate you, oh great plague. despite spending all my hours, of which maths was actually the more important subject, on the topic in which you lie i totally forgot about you and, now have to make notes on your importance in the medical renaissance, while all my classmates put down their history books 'til thursday's lesson. it seems so insignificant, but it really requires much effort that i really don't have. uuuuh.

-

on a brighter note, something i heard this morning inspired me in many ways. i didn't respond to what the person said, but it made me smile inside. cutie.

to capitulate means you give in. many people do. too easily, for sure. slightly ridiculous? uh huh. on day x you hated one another and made nasty marks behind each other's backs, by day y you seem to be best friends again. what is up with this continuous, boring cycle? then there's the general false friendships shared within the group. I can't be bothered for it anymore. so un-genuine. eurgh, I am again, considering a change. one of which sees more maturity and happiness. so uhm, bye. I hope.

i think that was possibly the first time ever i didn't 'need to change' my post, probably because everything i said was genuine and it was more what it said that was significant, rather than its presentation. it just worked out that it looked okay. oo, this is exciting. and least understandable to anyone other than myself; I'll stop.

you've literally just made me happy again, which is quite a task considering the upset I'm in with myself for being such a fail today really. talking to you generally does make me happy. you're a pretty amazing friend. I'm going to miss you so bad. even if it annoys you, I'll start to call you every night as of september, crying to you down the phone because of the endless essays I'll be getting due to my obsurd choices. although we'll be in such different situations, there's always one aspect of which will allow us to meet regularly. even without this, there'll be great opportunity for us to mature our friendship and strengthen it further. oh and I am excited for this! xxx

Dear facebook (mhm, you no longer get a capital letter),

this thing i am writing on right now, addressed to you, so beats your ass. I'll still visit you, to see what my lame friends are complaining about, but I'd like you to know that I'm pretty much using you.

ha, sucker.

why why why is this so tempting to the human kind? or even, why can everyone else resist the urge to sit on their asses all day, yet I can't? lazy-silly-unorganised-useless-dumb-thoughtless-time wasting-shit.

today was an opportunity totally wasted. I, again, promised myself I'd do non-stop art today. I didn't.

that,

was actually very rewarding, despite prior concerns and the hearing of something that has left me 'watching the space'. Ignoring this, I am still happy. Impressive.

happy happy happy.

please allow this to continue..? :-)

a conflict of truths.

title refiguration: a decision easily made.

     I have an absolute tonne of work to do, yet nothing to do. Hm. I mean, there's so much I could be doing right now, but I'd rather blog about it and browse through Topshop instead. I think I say I have "nothing" to do because I've pretty much finished what's in for tomorrow. I mean I could help myself by doing the mass of work I have to do on the weekend by starting now (and probably finishing), but it seems least relevant nor necessary. Fuck it.

I think I'll take some photos though, for my art. Although it'll require thought, there's no writing involved (something that at the moment I really don't fancy). ah, nicely done.

cheeky - adjusting our plans to involve yourselves. i think i may again edit them so that i am no longer going, muaha, that's right - i'd rather stay in, actually.

you're not putting in nearly as much effort as you used to; I think that the whole concept of balance should be re-taught to you.