I recently received, well, at Christmas, a little book that consists of letters well-known names have written to their sixteen year-old bodies. What I found was a familiar and repetitive theme throughout the pages. So much advice they gave themselves regarded the importance of working hard; of not giving up just because obstacles occur (they cannot be avoided so just learn how to deal with them); of learning from mistakes because ultimately it's how we pick ourselves back up that's significant; of not marrying every rockstar you ever date (uh-huh, quite a few touched on this!).

What I found was inspiration. Advice that I could take myself, or alternatively ignore and learn life via my own path. What I'll do with this knowledge is unknown. What I'll do with this knowledge is beyond me and, it's a little exciting.

(all other candidates were fairly serious in their approach to the christmas quiz. i, however, took a comical stance)..

Q: Where does the word 'Yule' come from?
A: Oh, that was just a dyslexic's attempt at spelling you'll ...how's this question related to Christmas?

staying up 'til the early hours of the morning laughing at the ridicule that is Scary Movie (2) + arriving home mid-day the next day for a long ass shower followed by a massive sleep (having left something at the hostess' house) = classic.

I can't lie - he, for sure, is a contributing factor to my watching this programme repeatedly. Just can't comprehend why his biting people is something so feared!?

and with that, yes, only that, i'm so bloody chuffed, haha!


However, NB: get a life.

the stories may change but the setting could never. thank you, Starbucks, for providing me a place to share and to care.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz.


my attempt at the whole 'hdoasjdlhdsihaj' (the tapping away at your keyboard in a random order - often with force) trend, except in alphabetical order, one, because it's neater, but more significantly to keep my mind busy. screw you, thoughts

you marvellous little things you.



I want this little guy (Brick from Sky 1's The Middle). He's such a charming kid that has the talent to ensure I don't at all regret delaying my English essay for another 30 minutes. The cutie.

saying goodbye's so hard,

especially if you'd barely said hello.


Oh God Neil I miss you already! Why d'you have to be so great?

ok so i have these retainer things attached to my teeth making my mouth all big and bulky, to the point where i find it difficult for my lips to reach one another. anddd i'm looking like a right cool kid.



anddd this is like my 839042th post tonight.
i'ma shut up and go enjoy some chicken at nando's.

iiiiii don't even care anymore. literally, about anything. well, near enough anything. and it's great, it's so much more fun. i feel so much more laid back and it's so much cooler. nice.

OK

woah.

so i'm trying to keep it cool but it's difficult to judge my progress when my mind is absorbed in such a puzzle. there are just too many pieces to this friggin' picture. i'll give it time. it's just that i always seem to give it time, with the hope that the big guy will listen in and assess it correctly and act accordingly. yeah. i haven't yet seen so many pleasing results.




but then i bumped into these babies and was distracted and got all happy and dribbled a little. they're pretty incredible, huh?

and could definitely be of some use.

previous blog = total understatement.


even the tiniest* of things can be the most amazing.

it's cute how the littleist things can be of the biggest significance. and it definitely makes things a lot easier!

If I've learnt anything since sixth-form began, it's that I'm particularly skilled. Oh yes, I have a great talent and friend in [consuming] food.
    Above even that - my bed, who is undoubtedly my best friend. It's a great relationship, often accompanied by a cup of tea and a regular snooze (of course!).

Both my pals combine to make me happy. It's great.

all I can say is that, it's in the rules.


(it's not actually all that funny. the tears could act as evidence, if you feel that is required?)

 

()

Seven Days.

I'm the girl next door - The guy with the hair - The one you can't take your eyes off - I'm trouble, allegedly - And a florist, definitely - I can make you cry - I'm a property mogel - And I can't afford the rent - I'm posh - And I'm the one who pours the paints - I've been here forever - And I've only just arrived - I call this place heaven - I call this place a mess - In seven days a lot can happen here - And a lot usually does - Come and take a look around - We've left the door wide open.

It's so, so genius.

so I'm just in the library,

a place that I've visited more in the last few weeks than ever before in my life - I kid you not. And I can already tell we're going to be good friends. It's already provided me information that has contributed to my understanding of several topics within two of my heavy-loaded subjects. For that I am particularly grateful.

And even though I am in its company again, among the many facts and opininions positioned in the many books it holds, all I can think about is some other source I have interest in. I hadn't realised such thoughts could be so distracting...

I like the cold too. It makes wanting to stay under a duvet all day a little more acceptable.

I definitely need something new in life. A-levels are approaching, yeah, but that's not exciting. That's a pain in my ass. I want something thrilling. I want to go somewhere on my own for a bit.

She's back. Poncho attached to the wall with barely-there pins (to reduce damage done to the beautiful garment, obviously) and a new look, almost. Just not completely sure the ocassional but repetitive attempts at shifting the fringe to the side for a day at the office can be accepted as a 'whole new look', but it's cute.


And it's definitely decided, when this one ends, I'll move my attention to Glee. Probably be a season behind when the time comes but I'll be happy.

baby I swear it's deja vu,

kind of

 

 

 

fancy feeling the cool, soft sand weave through my toes as it did so as the sun went down (after it had come out so perfectly timed as though to say goodbye). another trip to the bracelet stand also would not be denied if offered - couldn't stop returning to purchase such the perfect souvenirs from the cobbled-pavement town. and nor would a vinegared (I'm sure of it) salad from the classy clubhouse go a miss.

Please, accept me as a permanent guest?

honey I'm home

and I'm happy to be home, I am
but I hate how I've missed 2 weeks and 4 days of reality
yet I'm so glad I got away from it all, and wish it could have lasted longer



hm, never satisfied.
(I'll be sure to do a more detailed account when I'm not knackered, allow this to be something temporary)

just off to Portugal to drive some golf buggies around like I'm actually allowed to. I'm hoping to be back in time to enjoy my first BBQ of the summer(!) with some friends for a close friends' birthday. that is all X

£0.00

Just a little short of what it takes to make the trade. I need to earn myself some pennies if I want the time around my wrist in a bright colour.

I'm so up for packing my things and setting off for a care-free and countless number of days. All I'll need is a camera, my now dirty converse (thank you rotw, you did beyond your intended job *thoroughly) and some charm. I'll maybe meet some decent people and from there we'll set off on a further journey. We'll catch the plane that travels furthest and we'll do it for no expense. That's right - we'll "jump" the traiplane (and get away with it. It's not up for debate, this is my dream, sunshine). So we're now in Australia. Nice. We'll have no permanent residence but instead will leave our mark in the many appartments we decide not to settle in but move on from. There'll be four of us. Money not a problem. One of us has to have inherited some wealth, right? And there'll be no drama. Conflicts only witnessed where the tan lines are envious of the now naturally sun-kissed skin. There'll be no worries, nor lonliness, nor regret. No-one's lacking any effort input. There's genuine admiration and respect for one another. Our similarities join like a puzzle should and our differences harmonise just as the boys of the Beatles' voices did.

*Samy wakes from dream*

Shades, sandals and shorts are still all essentials for the suitcase. The check-list at the ready in preparation for our return to what I'll now claim as my home away from home. Sounds swell, huh? Really is. Just this time, I have to set myself up for an (un-permitted) addition.
                                                         t
                                                        m
                                                       totally
                                                        s
                                                        p
                                                        h
                                                    affected
                                                        r
                                                        e.

my creative side returned to me today. It was present for a couple of tens of minutes. It was nice. And it's really quite needed on this thing. I'll reach out for it some more some time soon.

'Just clap along. Act as if you know the music well. You know the music, you know it.
Jump occasionally. A "wooo" will do every now and then. Wait jump now!
Repeat what the guy tells you to. I want precision with the timing, too.
"Wooo". Jump a little. Dance a little. Clap. "Encore". Applaud'

Nicely done.
Did you breathe in the atmosphere?

The atmopshere that's truely amazing. The best bit, alongside this music of course.

The music that will be added to my itunes shortly...

9 minutes. seven minutes, idiot.

Thought I should justify my lack of real writing on here recently. I just have nothing creative to say. I'm sorry. S'a real bummer though when trying to fill my collection of diaries/journals...

Is perfect whilst I complete the below. Mmmm.

:-)

I browse through sites/flick through magazines' pages to look for beauties as such religiously.

'All Good Things...'

This is probably definitely the wrong audience to refer to The Hills over, kind of like how the kids of Tumblr are with the Twilight Series, but after watching its Finale there's little I can do to control my hands, (that seem to be typing away at an impressive speed). It's similar to how my eyes couldn't hold the tears. That's right, I cried. A lot. Whether or not that have been their intention when collaborating all the clips and music and all that contributes to the too-short twenty minutes, I did cry more than I reckon any of my peers will do. It wasn't solely that it's the end of an era, but the message that was consistent in the episode. That they are so young but feel already like they have to choose their more permanent paths whilst their roomies do so and continue to say how they're 'growing up so fast' seems a little overwhelming. That'll be us in ten years, guys. I don't want to have settled down by then. I will have yet to explore farther distances in the world. I'd barely have even snapped a fraction of the shots I'd like to take in the contrasting climates and scenes and landscapes the Earth has to offer; met not even half of the people I'd be satisfied with meeting; tasted only a little of the foods and drinks developed by different cultures. Considering the characters of the cast too, their crazy and cool lifestyles surely cannot have now faded so much because they are looking to 'really find [themselves]'. Mid-twenties crisis', fuck off will you? You've just murdered a kick-ass show that has been entertainment and dare I say it, some kind of inspiration to me for four approaching five years. Not so much inspiration as just aspiring to have their easy-going lives with a large pay-check being a common-occurrance. I'll truly miss the characters, so while there's the whole 'is she/isn't she?' debate over an "Audrina Show" and Heidi doing some spin-off, I'll just follow them on Twitter. But I'll really miss watching my friends date and grow and play and laugh every Sunday night. Thank you, MTV, you've been a reliable and satisfactory host.

Oh I wish I could pull off a stunning-red lip shade like above.

That buy the other week was such a waste. Full of wishful thinking, really.

Unrealistic thoughts.

I have, and have had for a while now, a pigeon on you.
I wonder, could this pigeon ever become more communal? Better, could he evolve to be an owl?
Could the owl then later develop to become a dove?

This series of events would be so beautiful.


Oh, imagine.


Terms and Conditions apply (don't they always?):
* The word pigeon is really representative of the word crush.
** The same rule applies for the word owl, but allow that one to mean mutual attraction.
*** Then dove can be a meaningful relationship.

Deprived of twenty seconds. So what? they cry. Or so they would if they hadn't chosen to ignore the truth. Only twenty seconds? That's the beauty of it (ignore the contradiction). The beauty being that the twenty seconds could have held another chapter, led to further complications but then a result. A result we'd take. Accept. Later go on to have a pretty picture by a plate. Send it to Caroline. Must send it to Caroline. Perhaps sign it, "thanks for the confidence", like Derek Redmond, the athlete. Thank you for your words, Derek, even if not all appreciated your story. The dream ended though. Twenty seconds cut it short, actually. Lack of understanding is a buggar. Justice was not found.

New setting. Easy this time. It's in the bag. If only enthusiasm and drive was in there too. Could barely collect enough energy to sneeze. It found it's way. Not my passes though. Sorry. We all are. Result was positive, but poor performance. Personally could contribute more; though personally couldn't find the nutrients and power needed. I class this as an upset, don't know about you.

"if you're a bird, I'm a bird"   -   "GET IN THE WATER.. GET IN. No I'm sorry baby, please just get in the water!"   -   "what happens if a car comes?" "we die"

Sorry, I just dried up my eyes and mascara-covered face and thought I'd leave you a few quotes I know you'd appreciate you've already seen all over weheartit and other such sites. Ah. It's one of those classics where it only makes sense to cry, and to return to it before too long only to repeat the same tear-streaming happenings.

- - -

As you can probably tell, I'm really losing track of time since study leave! Every day seems like Saturday - which in theory is pretty good, but it's a little repetitive. And my routine's fucked. I'm allowing gadgets and town runnings to run wild with my time, despite another exam to work through. It being a Science one should leave me a little worried, but I'm left too relaxed outside in the sun...

"you just tell me what you want and I'll be that for you"

Just leaving the internet unoccupied (on my behalf) for an hour or two whilst I focus my attention on The Notebook. Such a lovely and admirable film - thank you, Nicholas Sparks. I will read your novel (as opposed to purely enjoying crying over the film version) in the near future, just after I've read the Last Song, of which another great movie was made.

So many of my blogs are well thought out (too thought out) and are (always!) re-edited until they are a close distance to the perfection I create in my head. It leads to the question - why do I spend so much time tapping away at my keyboard, writing for no real purpose? It's not going to be marked with a way too strict red pen; it won't be valid as an additional GCSE or other qualification. Although, silly it may sound, I think it contributed nicely to extended my writing skills and understanding for English. Are you really saying it counts as revision? Ha,  no, unlikely it could be categorised as such an evil act. So why is it that I browse through unknown peoples' blogs and create my own? Oh, right, it hasn't yet failed in relieving my mind of any knot it's tied itself into (with writing releasing the tight bow of the lace - the lace being my thoughts).
      I think further I adulate (new word, sorry if it's in the most wrong context there!) searching through websites for pretty pictures to throw together and write a few words about, whether it be analysing them or including them last-minute to a post it has relevance to. Blogging gives me reason to save hundreds (really) of pictures to my computer, hence why I return the favour by posting so many! Although, I say it gives me reason, I think I really mean excuse - because even without blogger (such a horrible and empty world that would be!) I'd spend hours of my day looking through tumblrs and weheartit.com. Blogger just allows me to include them in what I hope to be an intellectual and clever way. Not that I'm going to in this one - no, it's way too deep ;).

...really?   

Given that it's my 100th post, I figured I could do anything I fancied...

It's a shame I can't literally 'do anything I fancied' though, huh?

I saved this file as 'yes'. It's just very 'yes' appropriate.

How I wish to lay my gadgets around - only an arms distance from reading and creating stories within a seconds' movement.

And yes,

 

the landscapes of your routine may change;

as might the people.

But don't allow too much upset, this should be a good thing, right? You'll be shown more respect, and will still be able to laugh to yourself about your childhood memories when flicking through the photo albums you're currently mid-way through creating, but by then it'll be acceptable for you to have that wine you're sipping and that weekly pedicure. Actually, it sounds a little sweeter, no?

It's lovely and genius combined, I can't belive I only watched it for the first time this week!

It, like the shoes, made me happy!

..here's to Sex and the City!

Happy:
• enjoying or showing or marked by joy or pleasure
• cheerful; willing

Oh I am happy. The source of this permanent smile? A pair of shoes. Well, two pairs. And yes, I am really saying it - the shoes made me happy. Purchasing such an elegant pair and also a summer-suited pair of 'durable coverings for the foot' (google's definition of shoe) led to an instant smile on my face - one that has been glued to it since the buy. Aaah, life is good and shoes are very undervalued designs, which is cool, and a little comforting, because I'm sure I won't see the lovely, smile-enforcing beauty's on anyone elses feet.

Oo, I'm just a sucker for shoes!

the older generation..

 There's a standard in society, in which your position in relation to it can determine the respect you are given. So you may be lovely, intelligent and the most caring soul in the society, and you often try to make yourself presentable by applying some colour to your cheeks and some length to your eyelashes, but because of this unnecessary addition to your face you are seen as being in par with those that must have little common sense, lack any genuine personality and wouldn't stop to help an old man pick up his dropped bags so that they can return to facebook more speedily.

Surely that's not fair, right?

So yes, damn those [chavs] that sit on pretty much the doorstep of mcdonalds and round the back of kfc, setting out a name for all of us kids.

..fuck your often-occurring, unfair judgements.

aaaawr,

you write such pretty words




but life's no storybook

John Lewis makes me jizz in my pants.

I bought a card there with this on recently, just because I admire the photograph.

The card won't be used, nor touched. It will be just a pretty picture - even though it's the exact opposite.

I couldn't possibly tell you what it is that I like

(because I don't know)

and after all that,

..I didn't even get to label the heart or the body's main muscles or the skeletal system or the spinal chord sections. I actually wanted all the more complex and biological aspects to appear on this exam paper, since I'd spent the whole day re-drawing/labelling exactly that, but there was nothing. "Nothing?" P.E teacher asks. Yes - nothing. Bummer.

Last night was quite unheard of, I'm sure of it. I saw a heap of inspiration in Tesco. Yes, really. The store is changing. There are no longer the really friendly adults working on the till, that make genuine conversation with not only the parent but the child they brought with them to assist them in packing the bags (thanks Dad). Although, that would be an 'unfair test', because this is Waitrose I am referring to. Yet, I'm sure today they also see the problem of newly-employed girls that spend more time fixing their fringes and looking out for their few hot male co-workers, than scanning your items or  being helpful in anyway. Hm. It's also become more apparent that, despite all the trolley parking zones that I think reach zone D, people find it too tiring to even attempt to return the trolleys to any helpful location. I'm one of the few (not that I ever see anyone do the same, I've only judged by seeing the three, maybe four other trolleys in the now very open space of the trolley parking zone) that puts the trolley I used into the allocated area. Like, I'm sixteen - why should I even care to do so? But when you see thirty-somethings leaving them in the pathway that's just wide enough to fit a wheelchair or buggy through, you wonder and hope that your own maturity and respect is appreciated. And if not you ask why you bother going the extra mile... Well, 20 steps, say.
            But then sometimes I can be so care-free. Sometimes I think, 'what the fuck' - as in, 'sure, why not' kind of 'what the fuck'. That can be nice though. Not caring that your hair may lose its fixed position, or your feet may lose their feeling until you return home early the next morning. Just go with it, I tell myself - it's fun.

There's this urge within me to be really creative and decorate a room, but to do it spontaneously - skip out the planning (very un-characteristic of me, yeah). I'm also desperate for a room in which I can do whatever, so long as it has four walls, a door, a chair or sofa and a little table with a little lamp, but so that there's a reasonable amount of floor space.

Putting together a book with random bits of materials and other people's inputs (can't believe I'm saying this) is really quite rewarding, and such a productive/good use of time! I usually go for the straight-forward, neat look, and have always thought that if you want something done, do it yourself, or it will never be how you wished for it to be. Which I still believe. But you see I'm putting together a book of this year. Starting with leavers' day and everyone's tear-starting messages (the original concern regarded others' hand-writing. I'm such an ignorant bastard, I know) - thought it'd open up this scrap-kind-of-book nicely, somehow... ha. So it's pretty much a summer thing, if we ignore October onwards. It's a little exciting, actually. Thing is, there's only so much I can do with it, until summer really arrives. I've done a little something with some of the messages that have been written, but I need so many more yet, but have limited time to collect them!

 

     So for now I'll just revise (as I should anyway), with the occasional blog, many cups of tea and the odd glance at the TV.

"my trouble is i analyse life instead of live it"


:).
(that's a 'not anymore' smile)

I never thought I'd again run down the street in a red and white checkered summer dress, matched with awkardly and uncomfortably patterned, white knee-high socks. But it happened, almost... (the socks didn't reach my knees, damn it). I should probably add that it was leavers' day (hence the outfit), and the bus was kind of really early (hence the running).
       Even though the tears flew out of my eyes, yesterday was such a lovely day - reading through how people felt (in my little book) about the concept of not sharing so much time together anymore, and reminiscing with the people that mean most was so reassuring, almost. It was having everyone hug you and tell you just how much they'd miss you and why. It was different. It made me feel a little good about myself, I guess. It was nice.

       I later went to the cinema to watch The Last Song, which also led to helpless crying and snotty sleeves (just kidding, thought the alliteration would add a little 'jazz', no? :')). It took a while before I got over the initial 'oh but this is just weird' phase, and then it hit me. I don't want to ruin it for any of you that have it in your diary to watch, but the ending got me. It made me think a lot about my own situations, and how useless you must feel when you lose someone so key in your life. Ah. Good film, though.

Which reminds me, I must watch The Notebook again. I can't believe I only watched it for the first time ever this month! Crazy.

Happy Wednesday.

happy

birthday.

Is it too late to make your wish once you've watched the smoke from the candles fade away, after hurridly blowing them out in race to beat Alex?

Shi- Today, though, I did have a happy birthday. And I've learnt that the lower my expectations of something - the greater its outcome, generally. Today showed me how lovely my friends are and how well my mum can shop for me without the usual, detailed and direct list. So, today, I was happy, and it was my birthday. Ha, wow.

P.S. I feel the need to justify my sanity: I'm not depressed or anything, no. It's just that I tend to have fairly poor birthdays, but got lucky and had a nice day this time round.

not cool.

I should probably learn how to tell people how much I appreciate their genuine friendship, I mean it's going to be key in two weeks today, right? But I really can't grasp it. There are some people that probably couldn't understand their importance to me, but I don't know how to put it into words without being laughed at for a while, and then again for a while longer - quite a probable result to be honest. I should also really figure out how to make the hug a little less awkward, like why can I not hug my friends with more than the pathetic one arm? No one likes the one-armed hug, let's be real. But no hug is worse. I'm such a bad person. It should come naturally. I'll work on it, perhaps write a speech or something to each individual that I actually like. Pfff, I don't know :')

"In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season"

"without money we'd all be rich"
This is so falsely true.
(you've got to love oxymorons - if nothing else anthology-related!)

     Sometimes, I'm all you have; I can brighten any dull thoughts, yet mislead you so easily. Sometimes, you're easy to persuade - too easy, actually. I can be that little thing you turn to in the end; and I can shape your dreams that night. I only try to make your visions more pleasant, so it kind of sucks when you catch me out and learn that often these tweaks make them unrealistic. I am optimistic, and slightly deluded. I've been with you since you started being able to think for yourself. I am the risk you may go for - sometimes you find yourself choosing me over what really makes sense - sometimes you follow your dreams, not your mind. I can make you believe; I can play with your head. I'd like you to accept that sometimes I can't be trusted, but that sometimes, taking a chance can be a good thing, and can lead you to great things. So yeah, I'll actually be travelling with you all your life, I'm affraid. Oh, and if you want to know what to address me as, just call me hope.

You again.

     I really loved this series of photographs, until the 7th one which then leads onto the last. As much as I like the photo itself, the whole concept of love being existent in everything is slightly boring now. And the last image that shows a smile, rather than the previous frowns that scream lonliness, suggests that love greatly contributes to a persons happiness. And, although I can believe this to be true, I don't like that people feel useless and worthless without 'another half'', because even when there is someone you can connect with so beautifully, a balance is important, right? So why can't we appreciate the other aspects when love isn't included? Why do we just long to share much of our time with one person that we'll spend the little time we get with friends - genuine and constant companions - insulting? I just don't agree that love is always the source to happiness - there are other things that matter too, the people you were glued to before just the one. This is not at all directed to anyone, most people are ok at the moment, actually.

This, though...
No, it's cool. It's aimed to someone that'll never read this and that could never upset me. It's just something you said that shocked me a little. Although you probably don't take it so seriously, you have a role of high responsibility. Previously it had been handed to you on a plate a bit, so you may not understand all that needs to be arranged, but really - as amusing as it is for the first minute, it becomes cheek-reddening. That it's repeatedly become a problem suggests you should look into it, no? And I don't think you recognise the humiliation we'd have to live through with its immediate impact, before the shouting we'll have to endure.

....and not cool.
Although you may enjoy passing judgement on people so frequently and harshly, you may want to consider your own position first, so that 'retaliation' cannot be used as the way to describe to later actions... didn't think this one through, did you?